Some Advice for Howard Dean

(via August J. Pollak)

Things Howard Dean can do to look more “presidential”:

  • Announce proudly that no president has ever done as much as him for human rights.
  • Dress up in a crotch-accentuating flight suit and land a jet on an aircraft carrier.
  • Brag repeatedly about a sub-standard college grade point average.
  • Get arrested for public rowdiness at a football game.
  • Attempt to recite a cliché adage at a press conference and promptly forget how it goes in the middle of saying it.
  • Mount, and promptly fall off, an unpowered Segway scooter.
  • Drop his dog in front of cameras.
  • Consistently mispronounce the word “nuclear.”
  • Condescendingly mock the upcoming execution of a death row inmate.
  • Trade away Sammy Sosa.
  • Choke on pretzel bits to the point of losing balance and bruising his head.
  • Attend a public event in which Stevie Wonder is performing and wave to him from the balcony.

OK – the last one is likely a UL

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective owners. Quotes from linked articles are probably the property of the publications linked or the property of the person(s) quoted. The rest © 2001- 2024 by James A. Chappell