(via Captain Carl’s Daily Blarrrg)
- If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
- Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.
- For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
- A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze.
- If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
- You only need two tools in life – WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn’t move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape.