(via Michael Ian Black)
Christmas is a terrible holiday. Here’s some ways to improve it.
- No public Christmas music before 12/24 or after 12/26.
- No presents other than stocking stuffers. Total value not to exceed $50.
- Mandatory snow on Christmas Eve.
- Anybody caught with an Elf on a Shelf has to do serious prison time.
- From now on, Charlie Brown Christmas is the only Christmas special and it can only be shown once, at 8:00, on CBS.
- Everybody is allowed to say Merry Christmas but nobody is allowed to make jokes about being “allowed” to say Merry Christmas.
- Candy canes: outlawed
- Ugly Christmas sweaters will be tolerated in designated areas only.
- You can’t have any of the same dishes for Christmas dinner that you had for Thanksgiving the month before.
- Hallmark Channel must cease operations.