24 May 2025
In religion and politics, people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second hand, and without examination.
-- Mark Twain
23 May 2025
A composer is a guy who goes around forcing his will on unsuspecting air molecules,often with the assistence of unsuspecting musicians.
-- Frank Zappa
22 May 2025
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the wrong remedies.
-- Groucho Marx
21 May 2025
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
-- George Carlin
20 May 2025
echo $package has manual pages available in source form.
echo "However, you don't have nroff, so they're probably useless to you."
-- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution
19 May 2025
A noble spirit embiggins the smallest man.
-- Jebidiah Springfield
18 May 2025
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things, like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman -- stuff you pay good money for in later life.
-- Emo Philips
17 May 2025
Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait. Not me, you.
-- Jack Handey
16 May 2025
If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone.
-- Jack Handey
15 May 2025
Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.
-- John Kenneth Galbraith
14 May 2025
The creed whose legitimacy is most easily challenged is likely to develop the strongest proselytizing impulse. It is doubtful whether a movement which does not profess some preposterous and patently irrational dogma can be possessed of that zealous drive which "must either win men or destroy the world." It is also plausible that those movements with the greatest inner contradiction between profession and practice-that is to say with a strong feeling of guilt-are likely to be the most fervent in imposing their faith on others.
-- Eric Hoffer, The True Believer, 1951, section 88
13 May 2025
The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents.
-- HP Lovecraft
12 May 2025
One of the major difficulties Trillian experienced in her relationship with Zaphod was learning to distinguish between him pretending to be stupid just to get people off their guard, pretending to be stupid because he couldn't be bothered to think and wanted someone else to do it for him, pretending to be so outrageously stupid to hide the fact that he actually didn't understand what was going on, and really being genuinely stupid. He was reknowned for being quite clever and quite clearly was so -- but not all the time, which obviously worried him, hence the act. He preferred people to be puzzled rather than contemptuous. This above all appeared to Trillian to be genuinely stupid, but she could no longer be bothered to argue about.
-- Douglas Adams (The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
11 May 2025
We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town.
-- Jack Handey
10 May 2025
I don't say that we ought to all misbehave, but we ought to look as if we could.
-- Orson Welles
09 May 2025
When a nice clean brain tumbles into the dirty street to lay among the discarded wrappers and spat-out gum wads of wickedness, you can't just pick it up and wash it off with soap and water; you have to think it clean from the inside out!
-- The Tick
08 May 2025
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
-- Groucho Marx
07 May 2025
All of us were slowly losing that intellectual light that allows you always to tell the similar from the identical, the metaphorical from the real.
-- Umberto Eco
06 May 2025
Like the wind crying endlessly through the universe, Time carries away the names and the deeds of conquerors and commoners alike. And all that we are, all that remains, is in the memories of those who cared we came this way for a brief moment.
-- Harlan Ellison
05 May 2025
The more data I punch in this card, the lighter it becomes, and the lower the mailing cost.
-- S. Kelly-Bootle (The Devil's DP Dictionary)
04 May 2025
Instead of trying to build newer and bigger weapons of destruction, we should be thinking about getting more use out of the ones we already have.
-- Jack Handey
03 May 2025
America: The only country that matters. If you want to experience other "cultures," use an atlas or a ham radio.
-- Ron Swanson
02 May 2025
Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.
-- Voltaire
01 May 2025
All right, who did this? I'm not mad, I just want to know who did it so I can punish them.
-- Dwight Kurt Schrute III
30 Apr 2025
I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming... They don't know I'm only using blanks.
-- Emo Philips
29 Apr 2025
I believe in God, only I spell it Nature.
-- Frank Lloyd Wright
28 Apr 2025
It is annoying to be honest to no purpose.
-- Publius Ovidius Naso (Ovid)
27 Apr 2025
Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience.
-- Bill Watterson (Calvin and Hobbes)
26 Apr 2025
Bring me a creationist who doesn't lie, deceive, distort and distract then I will show you a whole lot of thin air!
-- Clayton Forno
25 Apr 2025
One of the great attractions of patriotism - it fulfills our worst wishes. In the person of our nation we are able, vicariously, to bully and cheat. Bully and cheat, what's more, with a feeling that we are profoundly virtuous.
-- Aldous Huxley
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