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WARNING: The text of H. R. 3687 will infect your soul, curve your spine and keep the country from winning the war.

108th CONGRESS

1st Session

H. R. 3687

To amend section 1464 of title 18, United States Code, to provide for the punishment of certain profane broadcasts, and for other purposes.

IN THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES

December 8, 2003

Mr. OSE (for himself and Mr. SMITH of Texas) introduced the following bill; which was referred to the Committee on the Judiciary

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A BILL

To amend section 1464 of title 18, United States Code, to provide for the punishment of certain profane broadcasts, and for other purposes.

Be it enacted by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America in Congress assembled, That section 1464 of title 18, United States Code, is amended–

    (1) by inserting `(a)’ before `Whoever’; and

    (2) by adding at the end the following:

`(b) As used in this section, the term `profane’, used with respect to language, includes the words `shit’, `piss’, `fuck’, `cunt’, `asshole’, and the phrases `cock sucker’, `mother fucker’, and `ass hole’, compound use (including hyphenated compounds) of such words and phrases with each other or with other words or phrases, and other grammatical forms of such words and phrases (including verb, adjective, gerund, participle, and infinitive forms).’.

It’s a good thing that this `mother fucker‘ and this `cock sucker‘ are making sure the United States Congress is taking time to address the really important issues.

From Tina’s Shark Tank:

You Might Be A Republican If… (Author unknown)

• You think “proletariat” is a type of cheese.
• You’ve named your kids “Deduction one” and Deduction two”
• You’ve tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.
• You’ve ever referred to someone as “my (insert racial or ethnic minority here) friend”
• You’ve ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to welfare.
• You’re a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.
• You think Huey Newton is a cookie.
• The only union you support is the Baseball Players, because heck, they’re richer than you.
• You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.
• You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie.
• You call mall rent-a-cops “jack-booted thugs.”
• You’ve ever referred to the moral fiber of something.
• You’ve ever uttered the phrase, “Why don’t we just bomb the sons of bitches.”
• You’ve ever said, “I can’t wait to get into business school.”
• You’ve ever called a secretary or waitress “Tootsie.”
• You answer to “The Man.”
• You don’t think “The Simpsons” is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.
• You fax the FBI a list of “Commies in my Neighborhood.”
• You don’t let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert and Ernie of “sexual deviance.”
• You use any of these terms to describe your wife: Old ball and chain, little woman, old lady, tax credit…
• You scream “Dit-dit-ditto” while making love.
• You’ve argued that art has a “moral foundation set in Western values.”
• When people say “Marx,” you think “Groucho.”
• You’ve ever yelled, “Hey hippie, get a haircut.”
• You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.
• You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home.
• Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.
• You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism in America.
• You’ve ever said civil liberties, schmivil schmiberties.
• You’ve ever said “Clean air? Looks clean to me.”
• You spent MLK Day reading The Bell Curve.
• You’ve ever called education a luxury.
• You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.
• You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable.
• You came of age in the ’60s and don’t remember Bob Dylan.
• You own a vehicle with an “Ollie North: American Hero” sticker.
• You’re afraid of the “liberal media.”
• You ever based an argument on the phrase, “Well, tradition dictates….”
• You’ve ever called the National Endowment for the Arts a bunch of pornographers.
• You think all artists are gay.
• You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch “lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn’t want to contribute to society.”
• You’ve ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, when they don’t even have shoes.
• You confuse Lenin with Lennon.

From Al Franken’s Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right:

Anytime a liberal points out that the wealthy are disproportionately benefiting from Bush’s tax policies, Republicans shout, “class warfare!”

In her book, A Distant Mirror: The Calamitous Fourteenth Century, Barbara Tuchman writes about a peasant revolt in 1358 that began in the village of St. Leu and spread throughout the Oise Valley. At one estate, the serfs sacked the manor house, killed the knight, and roasted him on a spit in front of his wife and kids. Then, after ten or twelve peasants violated the lady, with his children watching, they forced her to eat the roasted flesh of her husband and then killed her.

That is class warfare.

Arguing over the optimum marginal tax rate for the top one percent is not.