New Rule: When you marry Charlie Sheen, don’t be surprised when he turns out to be Charlie Sheen! We are talking about a guy who paid hookers by check. Marrying Charlie Sheen and getting mad he’s a freak, is like electing two shills from the oil industry and getting mad when the price of gas … Continue reading “Don’t be surprised”
Category: Quotes
Here’s how it works
But, listen, let’s review the rules. Here’s how it works. The president makes decisions, he’s the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Put them through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your … Continue reading “Here’s how it works”
Deck Chairs
So the white house has personnel changes. Then you write they’re just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This ships not sinking. This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg… — Stephen Colbert (White House Correspondent’s Dinner: April 29, … Continue reading “Deck Chairs”
March Madness
You know what I like most about the NCAA Basketball Tournament? Sixty-three losers. — George Carlin
A tyrant must put on the appearance of uncommon devotion to religion
(printed by fortune in one of my terminal windows today) A tyrant must put on the appearance of uncommon devotion to religion. Subjects are less apprehensive of illegal treatment from a ruler whom they consider godfearing and pious. On the other hand, they do less easily move against him, believing that he has the gods … Continue reading “A tyrant must put on the appearance of uncommon devotion to religion”
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Intelligent Design
Basically, Intelligent Design is the idea that life on earth is too complex to have evolved without a guiding hand. We’re not saying it’s god, just someone with the basic skill set to create an entire universe. — Jon Stewart
Take a hint
New Rule: America must recall the president. That’s what this country needs. A good, old-fashioned, California-style recall election! Complete with Gary Coleman, porno actresses and action film stars. And just like Schwarzenegger’s predecessor here in California, George Bush is now so unpopular, he must defend his jog against…Russell Crowe. Because at this point, I want … Continue reading “Take a hint”
You don’t have to teach both sides of a debate, if one side is a load of crap
New Rule: You don’t have to teach both sides of a debate, if one side is a load of crap. Now, President Bush recently suggested that public schools should teach intelligent design, alongside the theory of evolution. Because, after all, evolution is quote, “just a theory.” Then the President renewed his vow to drive the … Continue reading “You don’t have to teach both sides of a debate, if one side is a load of crap”