Category: Quotes

New Rule: George Bush has to stop laughing at himself. When you’re incompetence literally costs lives, giggling at it isn’t cute or funny. You know, there’s a guy who’s been running around the country pretending he’s the president, and I believe his name is George Bush. And he wants everyone to know that he doesn’t … Continue reading “When you’re incompetence literally costs lives, giggling at it isn’t cute or funny”

New Rule: When you marry Charlie Sheen, don’t be surprised when he turns out to be Charlie Sheen! We are talking about a guy who paid hookers by check. Marrying Charlie Sheen and getting mad he’s a freak, is like electing two shills from the oil industry and getting mad when the price of gas … Continue reading “Don’t be surprised”

But, listen, let’s review the rules. Here’s how it works. The president makes decisions, he’s the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Put them through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your … Continue reading “Here’s how it works”

So the white house has personnel changes. Then you write they’re just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This ships not sinking. This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg… — Stephen Colbert (White House Correspondent’s Dinner: April 29, … Continue reading “Deck Chairs”